Alex: It’s alarming that his wife kept it a secret from him. Sounds like a page from home movie. But things like that do happen.
Uju: Wow Josh, they obviously have a bigger issue. I am speechless. What people should also realize is that kids are watching. You don’t want to raise a son, who Lords over everyone because of his money, and a daughter who runs to every man who tosses money her way. It seems in previous generations, men and women were ok with starting off low and building together. Now in society because of these expectations, the man expects to be on top as the provider and the women expect them to as well.
Joshua: The law favours women here alot. Men are easily emasculated, many of our Caucasian friends have such a different view of marriage than our traditional brothers.
The Octagon: Going from the angle where the relationship is built solidly on “what’s mine is yours”, do you believe in Joint accounts ? If not, why? what are the pros and cons.
Alex: When we started out married, my wife earned more than I did. But it didn’t matter bcos my wife generally is very respectful. Trust Yoruba women! Again we had joint accounts from the start, and it was not a matter of who earned what but we pulled out resources together and worked with a monthly budget and individual spending limit. Pros – unity and combined earnings can lead to higher investment power. Cons- one person may feel they are brining in the most income and thereby losing. And the other one may be a spender.
Uju: For practical reasons especially, they make sense. In some cases, individual accounts may have already been created in the past for loans and all. More than even joint accounts, but planning ahead. What if one party dies early? People need to take that into consideration. What about inherited debts? As a society, I don’t think the younger generation of Nigerians consider these things.
Tolu: Personally I believe in a joint account for a purpose or goal (buying a house, school fees ).
The Octagon: It is apparent that alot of the issues surrounding this is rooted in orientation and culture. Is there anything that can be done to ensure that in the future this is less of an issue? What arm of the society should be responsible to champion this ?
Uju: I think that should be us, through conversations like this on public and private platforms, with friends and family.
Alex: Dave Ramsey talks about this situation. For Budget I recommend everydollar.com
Joshua: We should educate the youth on principles and how to be responsible individuals. There is a great misconception flying about the media these days and what makes marriage and relationship work. And to see how they interpret things is very concerning.
Tolu: I believe we need to teach our children instill; values to our young boys and girls a lot of what you see today from Men and Women is what they either were taught or what they learnt from watching their parents. Another key point is Couples understanding that they are not Competing against each other. It’s “Them” against the world … No ones sees what’s going on in the house all the world sees is what you show them. We are meant to complement each other when you don’t have and I have =We have and vice versa it should never be I have, you don’t have, marriage has made Us ONE.
Uju: Love that Tolu. The world sees what we show them. If we show a balanced see saw, that’s what they see. They don’t see how many times it wasn’t balanced!
The Octagon: We will be ending this conversation in 5 minutes. Can everyone share some last points.
Alex: Like someone said, couples are no meant to compete but complete!
Uju: For me it will be to know yourselves and discover what works for you both. It’s a joint venture.
Kelo: I’ll echo Uju here; know yourselves and discover what works for you.
The Octagon: Thank you so much for being a part of this conversation. We will definitely like to have everyone back in other rooms in the future.
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