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Posts Tagged ‘Marriage’

Marriage and The Bread Winner

Posted on: August 8th, 2016 by The Moderator 4 Comments

Welcome to The Octagon.

The Octagon: We appreciate your taking time out to join this chat session which is one of the first of many conversations to go on www.theoctagon.com.ng. This session will end at 5pm. We have two moderators in the room who will only offer guidance where necessary. Please feel free to openly share your thoughts and experiences. Let’s begin with some introductions before going into the discussion. Can everyone let us know who they are and share a bit about what they do? Thank you

Tolu: Hi everyone My name is Tolu. I’m married with 2 beautiful kids. I’ve been married for 3 years + but dated for 14 years on and off before marriage. I’m a Marketing Director for 2 F ‘n’ B brands and I love talking about relationships.

Alex: My name is Alexander Umole, I am married for 10 years with my wife Sola. We have 2 lovely girls. I work as minister/pastor with a church in Florida.

Uju: Hello everyone, Uju Okoye here. Public health physician in the US. Community advocate and entrepreneur. Always seeking ways to partner up and empower. Married for 6 years to Obi with one amazing child.

Kelo: Hi everyone my name is Kelo and I’m married, no kids yet. I run an online youth culture publication, an online fashion store amongst other things.

Joshua: Good evening. My name is Josh. Speaker and consultant based in the UK. I trust y’all are doing great.

The Octagon: We can begin and then the others will join in. According to a Research study, on the average, a larger percentage of adults said they agreed it’s generally better for a marriage if the husband earns more money than his wife. Their argument is usually related to issues of respect, egos, either party having to ask for funds, the kids feeling one party is ‘richer’ than the other, etc.  Do you think it’s important who earns more? What’s a family man to do to keep his marriage strong when she earns more? And how can a breadwinner wife best keep the love alive?

Alex: Someone said humorously that it takes finance to run romance. I agree that money is crucial to relationships.

Tolu: The male Ego is the bigger question. Another factor is up bringing of each person. Everyone has their expectations of what a marriage should be and that’s why couples need to discuss before getting married. Money is a not the issues its dealing with the money issues that the problem.

Uju: True. But in some cases, say if the man is in a field that is naturally lower paying. For example he may enjoy working with teenagers in impoverished communities, and she is in a naturally higher paying field. The problem may be behind the mine” thinking and not thinking “ours”. I think people set themselves up with expectations by looking outwardly instead of inwardly. Stop the comparisons to others, culture or otherwise.

Kelo: I think this boils down to our cultural “orientation” and the setting in which we were raised. I’m Igbo and the norm is that the man takes care of his wife and the wife is the one who he has chosen to “eat” his wealth.  So if the man fails to live up to this provider role society has created for him, he’s seen to be slacking.

Uju: Kelo, I am Igbo as well, and that same attitude sets ppl up to fail. I can’t imagine how stressed out that would make any man, struggling to step out into a field that he is passionate about, if it’s not as lucrative for a period of time.

Kelo: I agree with you Uju, I’m just creating the context

Alex: But in a marital situation the question of cultural orientation is key.

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